Chapter 21 - REHAB
It’s only underwear if you wear something over it!!!!!!
Yes I know last months column was missing something. You see Carol and I had a chance to get our vacation started a day earlier than we planned (yes I know I should not have left if I wasn’t done with my chores, so fire me) and about half way to Arizona I got this not so good feeling that I forgot something. No problem, I call Toni on the phone and have her forward the column to the Doc. (no, I did not remember that I did not insert the photos, so fire me) you know there isn’t room for both of us in this column, so your fired.
I had that thought because I always seem to write this column in the middle of the night with just my outerwear on. (That’s none of your business and did I not just fire you)
So, I will now insert last month’s photos in the order in which they should have appeared. You can figure out if it makes sense because I have better things to do. Click Here
I have decided to change the name of the column to “Adventures with Dave”. The “Disasters” started getting too real and Carol and I need to change our luck. The saying “if it wasn’t for bad luck we wouldn’t have any” was hanging out at our house too much lately.
So, have any of you had knee surgery using the Arthroscopic Method? You know the one that gets you back on you feet in 3 days. Don’t believe it. Those little entry holes that are left are real deceiving. I want to know how the doctor got the “Jackhammer, Sawzall, Rotorydrill and the Vacuum” in those holes and then beat the living crap out of what was left of my kneecap all in 32 minutes (at a cost of $100 a minute). Then before he removes the excavating equipment he takes pictures to show me what a great job he did. How do I know those pictures are from my leg? I sure as hell wasn’t awake to watch the massacre, although I have a picture of what it looked like on the out side 1 week later, and there is no way I was walking on this piece of meat that looked like road kill.
What I did do was fall down a lot trying to walk. And when I did I could not get back up. The pain when my leg would unlock and send me to the ground was, well just light a blow torch and point it at your knee from a distance of 6 inches. I call the surgeon and ask what the hell he did to me, He says “Your Blocking”, my ass, I can’t even walk. OK maybe I was being a little to tentative, but it is hard to get aggressive when your laying in the blackberry bushes on your back because your newly repaired knee has a mind of its own and decided that 1 week without falling was enough. The blow torch is on high and I am throwing rocks at the house trying to get Carols attention. So she gets me out of the bushes and into the shower. Out of the shower and into bed (I’m not feeling that good yet) and pack the knee in ice.
So we go back to the surgeon for some post op. The first thing out of his mouth is “you need to start doing leg lifts” I just look at him and nod my head. He sits on a table and shows me what I should be doing. So I sit on the table and look down at my leg and try to lift it. Nope. Not going to happen. I mean my leg is just as happy as a hog in slop hanging there. Dr. Lovett says “you’re blocking” I don’t know what that means, what I do know is no matter I tell my leg to do it just hangs there.
So rehab takes forever and I only fall down about once a month. It takes two weeks to get the swelling down enough so the leg will bend and I can continue to “block” while trying to do leg lifts. I finally say screw this and go back to work.
The last post op comes up and Dr. Lovett says to me “if you ever slow down let me know” How much slower do I have to go when I can’t even walk. I spend half my life packed in ice on my back in bed (I still don’t feel that good) with my leg elevated.
It is supposed to snow next week so Carol and I are going back to the dessert. I figure if I need to start unblocking I might as well do it where it’s warm. Work can wait!!!
See Ya Next Month